


Dear Liam (I Never Told You)

by Trashcan_Murphy



Category: Assassin's Creed - All Media Types
Genre: Angst and Tragedy, Diary/Journal, Game Spoilers, Letters, M/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-19
Updated: 2017-10-19
Packaged: 2019-01-19 09:20:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,035
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12407565
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Trashcan_Murphy/pseuds/Trashcan_Murphy
Summary: Letters written from Shay Cormac to Liam O'Brien over the course of the game, & afterwards. Featuring platonic & romantic unrequited feelings, a lot of self-doubt, death, questions of morality, things left unsaid, & regrets. Written as the game is completed.





	Dear Liam (I Never Told You)

**Author's Note:**

> What I am writing are letters/journal entries from the perspective of Shay, regarding the events of the game & all that unspoken stuff I felt, well, was left unsaid. This really isn't strictly a Shay/Liam fic, just as an fyi, but it is an element of this piece. I hope you'll enjoy my insights on Shay's thoughts. This first part is kind of a general prologue to the piece.

You always though you had a decent sense of morality. It was one of those things that you never really thought about -- because who does? -- but when you did you just  _knew_ it was true. Or maybe it wasn't really you, it was the person you spent your time with; as far as you were ever concerned Liam O'Brien had been a part of your life since the beginning, a definite  & resolute companion, the head to your heart, the only person who could ever achieve your undivided trust & attention. You two were rapscallions, of that sort that got dirty in the street & fought more than young men really should. You were inseparable, the dynamic duo defined by  _wit_ &  _grit_ , the Irish boys who were as charming as they were troublesome. Liam was your anchor, & you... well, you were a ship tossed on the open sea, caught up in the hurricane of your own mind, the stories you told yourself at night about the life you could have, all adventure & glory.

Liam humored you, tempered out the rough edges of your street-rat childhood with his cool demeanor & farmer boy wittiness. While you were spitting, drinking, trying your best to appear as though you were something better than the gutter he was working, studying, watching your back with the patience of a saint. But it had always been that way, or so you thought. Liam had always been at your back, a quip & a smirk away from a good laugh or brawl. The darkness of his eyes was what kept you in check, the sternness of his hardened jaw the closest you ever came to having a real father. Liam was a friend, a brother, a father, a mentor. &, in your own eyes, when you stopped to think about it, something a bit more.

Yet, no matter how you sliced it, in the end Liam was always your morality, your anchor, your compass. He kept you in line, protected you, ensured that you survived every fight you got into. He had your back when no one else would, when your bitterness reared its head. You had always depended on him. Even later, when you were years older & two many months without speaking, the bodies at the bottom of the ocean heavy on your mind, he was there.  _Liam O'Brien had always been there._  When you were alone, hopeless, a brawler one drink away from death, Liam was your light. He took your hand & gave you, Shay Patrick Cormac, the redemption you thought you didn't deserve. He treated you like a human, like a man, like despite how long it had been you had never been worth any less to him. Like even after all those years apart you were still his best, & only, friend. &, in that, he made you feel again. &, in that, you saw what you'd refused to see before.

You loved Liam, like a brother & more. You couldn't deny how dependent you were, how smitten you'd really been in those glorious, easier years as a teenager. But you never said anything. Because that was the sort of thing Liam had always said for you, after he'd filtered out the gritty parts & coated your street-wise language with eloquence; you didn't know how to say it. In a way your forgot, over time, because Liam was there & he was still your friend & he still looked out for you. Liam was still the head while you were still the heart. Even if things had changed, it was still the same to you, like the good old days. Even as you donned the hood, recited the Creed, swore your loyalty... you were still just the boy that the streets had made & that Liam O'Brien had tamed.

But you had never really though about him, had you? All the things he had done, the darkness he had spiraled down into after his father was executed. Inevitably you were as selfish as you were care-free. You remembered the pain, the ways you had tried to reason with your embittered friend, but then you remembered more clearly the smell of the open sea, the feel of a musket in your hands as the air burned around you. You remembered a different jaw, hardened & weathered, twitching with a smile. You remembered the chill of the rain seeping into your clothes, the cries & yells that seemed to echo the thunder, punctuate the lightning. You remembered the darkness of the deep, closing your eyes, hoping against hope. You remembered waking up. You remembered feeling empty, & then suddenly: Liam. There. Never gone. Your friend, like always.

You remembered seeing that familiar face, that stubbly jaw, & feeling like everything was going to be alright. That smile, across the tavern, was what revived you. Was what anchored the storm-torn ghost ship that had wandered from island to bay to cove in search of a wind that didn't bite so fiercely. & you fell in love all over again. Your heart, his head. His life in your hands. His words ringing in your ears. His blood staining your blade. His hardened jaw slack, soft, unfeeling. His head laying in the snow, haloed by blood. Your heart, dead in your chest, chilled to the very core, hardened like a glacier in the ocean.

His morality. Your morality. Your love. Him. Liam O'Brien.  _Liam fucking O'Brien._ Dead. You, Shay Cormac, somehow something worse than death. Definitely something better than the gutter that had raised you, but not quite the adventure you had imagined as a boy. There was more blood than you'd thought, more hate. More bitterness. More betrayal.

& that was something you had  _never_ imagined: betrayal. The heart defying the head, the head denying the heart. Inevitable. Tragic.  _Classic._ It was meant to be in the sort of way Romeo  & Juliet were meant to die at the end of the play. It wasn't what you really wanted, but it happened anyway. Like it was meant to be. Like you were never meant to be happy alone.

Where did Liam O'Brien go? Where did Shay Cormac go? Where did your head go? Where did your heart go? Where did your friend go? Where did your love go? ** _Where did your morality go?_ **

**Author's Note:**

> I'm a college student so who knows when I'll get to play Rogue then have time to write up a new chapter. I won't have a set publication date, but let's just say I hope to post one every week or so. We'll see.


End file.
